what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
