what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
