his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
