hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't turn off my feet"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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