This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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