I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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