she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
