Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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