my vag is so smooth its legendary
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
