hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
