So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
