the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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