3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
