Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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