So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
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You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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