Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
