I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
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so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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