we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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