I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
