Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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