I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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