well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
