I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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