Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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