I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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