we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
