I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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