If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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