Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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