my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
