i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
