you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
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Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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