Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
