Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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When are your genitals available?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize