1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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