is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
