He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
