He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
