i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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