3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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