i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
