Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
