We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
