I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
