I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
