therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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