K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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