All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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