You work out of a Hotel?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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