Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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