I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
