I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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