I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
