is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
