As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
