the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize