I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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