found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
